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Editor’s note: I’m in New Zealand until December so here’s my remaining transitrants for 2014. I’ll be back on US public transport before you know it.

Hey Bart driver. Why don’t you wait until you stop before telling us something over the PA; we can’t hear you when the train is moving dope.

The creaking, squealing, groaning jankiness that is a BART car is not conducive to conversation, especially over an equally janky PA system. Driver dummies seem to have never ridden in the cars themselves because they keep talking and telling us about elevators, stops, maybe squirrel flambé recipes for all I know because we can’t hear you while these mechanical monstrosities are in motion! I think the drivers just insult the riders as they go knowing full well we can’t hear them.

 

As if the aftershave isn’t bad enough you fart as well sir? For chrissakes this is public transportation! #BART

30 splashes of Drakkar Noir coupled with a curry fart will not make you friends on the BART, in the city or anywhere else for that matter. Cut that shit out people or I’m gonna start carrying around a seltzer bottle to hose you down and a newspaper to smack your nose with!

 

Lonely old people talking/delaying the EmeryGoRound departure is not the way I want to start. That 5 min delay = missed Bart and 20 min more

This has got to be the worst part of being a public service employee. You are a prisoner in your bus and any lonely/crazy person can engage you against your will and feel they own you. When it’s a driver on whom we are all dependent on getting us to a place on time then I reserve the right to kick you in the head so the rest of us can get on with our lives.

 

Dear fellow commuters, would it kill you to exit a train with, not so much haste, as more urgency than a condemned prisoner on his last walk.
Some stops on the line are worse than others but the Balboa Park stop seems to be plagued by not so much people as humanoid slugs that slower ooze their way out of a BART car when it stops. These mucous based life forms move at the speed of dial up modem with all the urgency of a deadlocked Congress. The next time these turds keep me from being on time to a movie I will bowl through them and I don’t care how many hips I break.

 

I smell BO on the train and look over to see a douchebag in sunglasses, backward hat and Tapout sweater. Not surprised in the least.
The douchebag coupe de grace was the ripped off sleeves of the Tapout sweater. Is there some douchebaggery manual somewhere that teaches these guys how to be the biggest pieces of shit out there or does it kjust come natural to these assholes?

 

How is this loud, obnoxious wench getting cel signal in this Bart tunnel?!
How come when I need to text someone something important, like can I get a ride home or what’s for dinner, I can’t get a signal but the person with the most annoying, grating, loudest voice can ALWAYS get a signal on the train? Or are they actually NOT getting a signal and just want to talk to annoy people. I tend to believe the latter.

 

The man next to me on the Bart is sweating out rotten eggs or he’s been dead for 3 weeks. #transitrants #BART
Most body order is the result of acids that are broken down after excreted out sweat glands. Can’t we create acid strips like for pool testing that people can place under their armpits and if they’re acid levels are too high they can’t go outside or must kill themselves with a spoon.

 

This old man talking to everyone against their will is the senior citizen version of Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys. #transitrants #caltrain

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