I think there are 3 real deal whores on my Bart train right now. I’d take a pic for you all but there’s a frump in the way. #transitrants

Clearly these 3 women were ladies of the evening based on their ridiculous mini-skirts, non-existent tops and continuous appraisal of every man on the Bart as the boarded with nudges and whispers in what sounded like Russian.Also, when they walked by me to exit the BART I got gonorrhea.

Sure crazy homeless man with 5 pieces of luggage. I’ll give up my spot for your suitcases of trash. #transitrants #BART

Crazy haired, wild eyed homeless nut pulls himself and his filthy luggage onto the BART mumbling about the flight out and asked me to move to make room for the “tribute”. He exited at the SF Airport and immediately boarded another BART going in the direction he just came from. We need some way to find these people and get them the help they need and also off public transportation where we can smell them and possible get shanked by them.

It’s 10 am and I’m getting a contact high from the weed drenched dude in front of me. Thanks? #transitrants #egoround

10am and this guy is obviously on his way to work in his security uniform reeking of weed. Not a whiff, not a wisp but a full on weed funk that is Parliament Funkadelic worthy. I know it’s the liberal Bay Area and all but these are the guys that are always going to make sure weed is never legalized. Blatant irresponsibility and dumb assedness is the biggest obstacle to legalization and you can thank dopes like this.

Comedian CalTrain conductors have got to be stopped. Tired of loud “comedy” from these guys interrupting my naps. #transitrants #caltrain

Being a train conductor is not the same as amateur night at the Chuckle Hut in Van Nuys. It’s early in the morning, some of us have an hour long commute and we’d like to relax and or nap before we face the drudgery of our day; not listen to your foghorn leghorn impression or your pathetic, old grandpa jokes. Leave us alone!

Lady, don’t ASK your screaming kid to settle down on the Caltrain. TELL your screaming kid to settle down. #transitrants #caltrain

Parents! Quit asking your kids to behave. Demand they behave or they’ll get in trouble. Ass beaten trouble not “don’t make me have to downsize your latte to a small Timmy” trouble. Quit coddling your damn kids and worrying about their self-esteem. Put kids in their place which isn’t ahead of our desire for peace and quiet. It’s called the social contract people.

 The utility door this sign is attached to is not locked on this train. I checked. #transitrants #caltrain #dumbmove

There was some sort of electrical control panel behind n unlocked door in the CalTrain. I don’t know what it was for but it looked important and if I didn’t need to get somewhere I was tempted to pour my orange juice on it just to see what happened but controlled myself. How long until someone that can’t control himself discovers one of these panels…

I hate these new Caltrains. I want the solo seats on top back. Some of us hate people. #transitrants #caltrain

I loathe the new CalTrains because even the upstairs has multiple chairs that make you stare at strangers for an hour when I’d rather be in my own chair napping. Now it’s like flying every time I get on the train and I hate that. Not every are people persons. Some of us flat out loathe humans.

If you walk 1 step into a Bart car and stop to survey the car while others wait behind you to board we can kick your nuts. #transitrants

This should be written into law right this instance. When there is a line of 25 people behind you don’t take 1 step in the door and then stop to survey the land while the rest of us just want to make it onto the damn BART. It’s always a 220lb woman or thuggy dude in a hug jacket and sagging pants that knows no one will say anything and I’m sick of it.

As people walk by my window to board the train I pick them or discount them for my hypothetical dodgeball team. #transitrants #caltrain

You never know when a spontaneous dodgeball game will commence and you do not want to be unprepared with no game plan and not already having accessed the potential strengths and weaknesses of your potential teammates. This is how wars are lost people.


Stuck on the bus between 2 tourist families with a total of 6 children all talking at once at the top of their voices. Blerg #transitrants

When I take my daughter places its best behavior at all times; not “Everyone scream nonsense at once because we don’t live here and who gives a shit.” I know it’s not your neighborhood and all but I don’t go to your shuttles and yell at the top of my lungs about nothing.

Tourists on bay area public transit are getting more pathetic. Girl just got excited to see an Elephant Bar. #transitrants #egoround

Seriously. She saw an Elephant Bar and squealed like she just saw Elvis. I don’t know where these people were from but my guess is 1970.

The only thing worse than a tourist is a loud, whiny mama’s boy tourist. #transitrants #BART

If your son is an early teenager, about 5’ 7” 210lbs and still calls you mommy and daddy and he doesn’t have Down’s Syndrome than please just home school him and lock him in the basement with a WoW account. All this momma’s boy will ever be good for is as a rent a priest for questing and will never give you grandchildren.

Honorable Mention

I’ve had crazy allergies all week and the 1 person in the whole Bart with a flower bouquet just has to sit next to me. #transitrants #BART

Today’s commute was brought to you by the letter A. A is for Asshole tourists and Assholes that bring shaggy dogs on BART #transitrants #BART

The only thing better than the EGoRound being 20 minutes late is when it also makes me late for the Bart as well. #transitrants #bart

The Caltrain was only 12 minutes late this morning. That’s a good start. #transitrants #caltrain

I am stuck between an unholy triumvirate of old ladies yelling guttural foreign languages into their cellphones. #transitrants #killmenow

Today’s commute is also brought to you by Fixys; shitty bikes in your way commandeered by hipster assholes since 2003. #transitrants

I am southbound on the 288 and I swear the conductor is doing his best Uncle Remus impersonation. #transitrants #caltrain

Every car on this train contains at least 2 but no more than 5 annoying children. #transitrants #caltrain #serenitynow

I could never drive a Muni train. I can’t have a microphone that close to my mouth all day and not use it constantly. #transitrants #SFMuni

I find tourists distasteful. #transitrants

Oh good; a 20 minute wait in the urine stench of the MacArthur Bart Station. #transitrants #BART

No EmeryGoRound for about 30 minutes now. Great Monday so far. Rage is building… #transitrants #egoround

Today’s commute is brought to you by mouth breathers; creeping you out for centuries with vacant stares and wheeziness. #transitrants

The glassy eyed white kid in the Jesus shirt is scarier than the homeless vagrants on the BART platform. #transitrants #BART



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